MOGAI ABCs (p1)
- MOGAI ABCs, B (Body), C (Culture), F (Family & Friends), G (Gender), H (Hoard), I (Intersex).
- Body - what's your relationship to your body? how does it affect how you identify?
NEMESIS :: Being the person I am bodily is probably one of the most hardest things ever. Growing up, generally, I was never viewed as feminine because of my background. I was a brown South Asian person in a very, very white community. It influences me so much now because just even thinking about associating myself with something feminine feels almost icky, because it's been pushed so far away from me, and it makes me feel like I'm cosplaying being something that society will never view me as. It's suffocating, but it's my reality.
ABSINTHE :: I have a lot of grievances for the genetics I inherited. I wish I did look different, I wish I didn't envy being pale or being taller or something stupid like having less body hair or a different nose, but I do.
ĀDARA :: although I do wish some things were different, I really like how we look, but I feel really disconnected from it. I don't see myself in the mirror when I look, I see someone else. but I feel okay with that, I see my headmates and I do see someone I recognize, I just don't think I can really say that they are me!
BEAR :: i'm humanoid, not human, first and foremost, and i'm at least three times as big LMAO. my name probably gives away what i am or kind of look like. honestly i don't even really register what we look like in the mirror. that to me isn't me, and won't ever be, and i don't think it's worth trying to make it match.
- Culture - how does your culture influence your identity, if at all?
NEMESIS :: My culture influences my identity a lot. I am so proud of my history, background, and people. My association with lotuses and water lilies, the colour red, tigers, snakes, and even peacocks all stem from my background. My names, that I wear muslin and red silks and gold jewelry and how I cherish my curly hair, it all bears a deep cultural meaning to me, and I protect it with my heart, in spite of the hatred it often faces.
ABSINTHE :: Uhhhh to be totally honest I feel really disconnected from our culture sometimes LMAO. I love learning about it, but I think generally my identity is much further away from our culture because of its age and presentation.
ĀDARA :: I LOVE BEING BENGALI!!! I even use a lot of names that are come from Bangla words!! like "Khor" from "khorghush" (rabbit), and even mishti mei!! it means sweet girl in Bangla :) It is so important to me!! I prioritize the sweets of my culture in my identity over EVERYTHING else
BEAR :: i highkey wear a lungi half the time, i also wear a lot of mehendi, and bear south asian weaponry. so it does have a lot of influence on my identity yeah
ANNE - MARIE :: I am extremely, extremely disconnected from my Bengali and overall South Asian background. The influences of living in a white prominent country with a lot of distaste towards my culture has had its effects on me, and I hate that it has, but I don't know how to reconnect with it again.
- Family, Friends - what's your relationship with the concepts of friendship and family? are you out to your family and friends, if you have them?
NEMESIS :: I am not out to any of my family and most of my IRLs. I am obviously out to most of my online friends and my boyfriend and QPP probably know more about me than myself.
Generally I am on the aplatonic spectrum so it's really a mix of "I love my friends because the ones I have are probably the greatest people ever just off the accord that they are MY friends" and "I hate the idea of friends why do we need friends why do I need to do this oh my god."
And outside of my CHFs (chosen family but I lost my coining post for it cry emoji) I love no one so whateverrrrr
ABSINTHE :: I honestly rarely acknowledge how people perceive me because I always assume they see me how I see me so it like doesn't reaaaally matter if I'm out to my friends or family or not.
I am more often than not completely repulsed by the idea of community and friendship to be totally honest.
ĀDARA :: I am not really "out" to like. anyone technically because I think people naturally view me how I want to be viewed!! generally, I feel like I am a bundle of friendship and joy in one person, so I think that kind of radiates off of me in a way!!!
BEAR :: i am abstrapathic and immiopathic. family is out of the question obviously but most of our friends don't even really know i exist LMFAO. ironically enough although i don't like trying to create new groups of friends i think they are all pretty important to me
CHITIN :: I am aplatonic and repulsed by community and socialization in general, family or friend. I am not out to anyone nor do I feel that any sort of relationship with someone or any relationships in general wield any particular amount of importance to me specifically.
- Gender - what's your experience with gender? how do you understand it?
- Sidenote ; Collectively we typically use masculine terms. Most of our friends do, even our boyfriend still mostly calls us his boyfriend where it's safe to and directly to us. We have a lot of feminine presentation out of said desire to be perceived but not perceived as feminine by Nem, and because of our other two hosts and co-hosts, but generally, we are viewed in a masculine lens by most everyone who knows us personally.
NEMESIS :: I spoke about this in some detail already in a different response, but it's both uncomplicated and extremely complicated. I am masculine in every way, but the root of my masculinity isn't completely because I felt like I was meant to be this way and more because I feel like I don't have a choice. Being racialized pushed me towards masculinity, and now it causes me dysphoria to feel feminine. I have dysphoria because I wish I was feminine, it never feels right, and I don't believe it ever will, but it doesn't mean I don't want to be.
ABSINTHE :: Uhm I don't feel gendered like AT ALL. I hate having labels and "unlabeled" ironically feels like a label to me so I literally have no clue. Gender to me feels like something kind of "beneath" me in a sense? Like I feel like I am this being above the idea of having one rigid form or label or a label at all soooo I don't know I don't really think I have one
ERYX :: I love having fluidity in my gender. Both femininity and masculinity I think are applicable to me, and I honestly feel great with any label ever. JUST so long as its NOT neutral. I LIKE being gendered!! It feels like I am customizing my avatar with like a million stickers. It's so fun!! But I don't take it as seriously as well as a result, JUST SO LONG AS IT'S NOT NEUTRAL
ĀDARA :: I ALSO LOVE FLUIDITY IN MY GENDER!!! I think both masculinity and femininity can apply to me AND I ALSO DON'T REALLY LIKE NEUTRAL TERMS EITHER... I also do lean towards femininity generally!!!! I am a mei after all .
BEAR :: i guess i am masculine? but i also don't really know how i feel about having an actual gender label. i think i like being generally perceived and viewed as masculine but i also like just... being literally anything else honestly LMAO. i also like collecting labels and i take some way more seriously than others and those others not as much.
- Hoard - are you a hoarder? how does this affect your MOGAI identity? if you collect terms, how do you organize them?
GENERALLY I think MOST of us do, but I also don't know if any of us call it hoarding? Or even collecting really it just is how it is in a way LMAO. We don't organize them at all #stay????? - ERYX
- Intersex - are you intersex or questioning? how has it affected your identity?
We are bodily intersex, we don't really talk about it online much because it's #awkward for us in a way. I lowkey don't know how much it affects our identity because it's all such a mishmash of issues that I don't know the overlaps or lines or anything. - ERYX